Life is a hard row to hoe. I'd like to say that this is an understatement, but I've never hoed a row. Have you? Farming is not my current lot in life, but for whatever reason reproducing was. And as I have tried to give up on myself, unsuccessfully might I add, I am now faced with giving up on something that I have reproduced.
Let me be more straight forward. I have a son, well sons, and I am a single mother. Now to say this is hard, is definitely an understatement. This task is egregious, annoying, very rarely rewarding, tedious, and if it's a test... I am barely passing. Need I repeat, I want to give up.
My sons are teenagers and in a moment of weakness, I caused extreme bodily harm to the elder of the two. Enough to get government "authorities" involved. Now in the process of taking back on my responsibility as his authority figure, I want to quit. This highly educated child is for the most part doing what a teenage child does. Rebelling. Though he is well behaved with every other adult individual that's not me (which is great but not) I am the one who has to guide him, is responsible for him, and has to deal with his misinformed, under developed, mentally restricted teen angst. True enough, I messed up with my choice to harm him physically while reprimanding him in one of his "moments", but I am at the point that I'm like he has to go. I am overly aware of a mother's responsibility to her child(ren), as I have been learning about it 15 and 13 years, while growing with them. However, in this current circumstance, giving up doesn't just look like a silver lining. It also happens to be the most logical resolve for my sanity and peace, as well as the future of my son.
Again I say, I want to give up. What I will do, beyond my wants, is pray and try. I'm praying that I love my child(both my children) with proper, correct and unconditional love. I'll be trying to accurately express to this child(things I have previously) that he has more learning to do and no one is perfect, but respect is a must regardless of what has yet to be learned. And because giving up is logical and an extremely last resort, I will not discount it. I will, however, continue to do the best I can in this given situation, knowing that the current circumstance is only temporary.
I write this to inform and inspire. No one is perfect. We always have options. And even in a moment of weakness, we still have options. Keep trying until you cannot.