I Did Not Research this...I Lived it

 

Happy Hump Day!!! First time blogger here. I'll be mainly giving you info from my life experiences, which have been many. I'm a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I'm just like you, and at the same time I am nothing like you at all. The one thing that holds true for me and you is the biblical quote above "...time and chance happens to us all...". So read through my times and check out the chances I have taken. And btw, Hello. I am Ebonie Jade. For more info about me beyond the tons of babble thats to come, check out my website jade70walker.wixsite.com/eboniejade and support an amazing cause www.gofundme.com/2huz8e7g.

 

When your heart says Yay, but they say Nay

 

Going forward in my life I have decided to pursue my dreams. The desires of my heart that have always been there. I have attempted this before, but let reason and the reasoning of others slow down my process. I cannot and will not blame them because A. placing blame serves no purpose, B. I know they meant well, and C. at the end of the day the decision was mine alone to make.

 

My first attempt to pursue my dreams was a great first step, but a partial one. I felt alive and excited, and afraid in my pursuit. I didn't care about the fear until outer voices all said nay and gave me so many valid reasons to just stay on the path I was on. So I pressed paused on what was truly in my heart and walked the well known road of being an employee, and a student, and an everyday human being. Not that those things are bad, it just was not what I had an overwhelming desire for. I attained a degree, and was even blessed to get a paid internship in the field I believed I wanted to work in at the time.

 

After a little over a year of working in the field, continuing to pursue a higher level of education, as well as working another job, I began to see that the line of work I was gaining more knowledge for was not at all where I wanted to be. So I quit school, and left one job. The other job I held on to and just tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Self work got pushed to the side, and the only work I was doing was that of an employee. I fell into a depression and just kinda wandered and worked, and wandered, and worked.

 

The depression forced me to analyze myself, what I was doing, and what it was that I really wanted. As I wrote and thought, the more I saw what it was that I wanted. I wanted to follow my dreams. I had suppressed my true desires. But that's the great thing about having a dream. It will always show up or come back to you and I am so glad that it has.

 

I hope that you are pursuing your dreams no matter what they are, and regardless of who has anything to say about it. The desires of your heart are yours for a reason, but do not let reasoning or the reasoning of others take you away from them. Nay sayers will say nay, but I am hoping you follow what your heart has to say.

 

Complain or Nah?

 

I’m not one for the whole “New Year’s Resolution” bit. I believe that each day is a new beginning and a chance to do something different or better than the day before. In an effort to make my days better for contributing to a better year, I did resolve to do at least one thing different. I decided that I was done complaining.

Complaining never really did anything for me. I usually find myself being more upset after repeating the matter that pushed me to complain in the first place. I totally understand needing to vent about something that may be stressing you out, but how does continuously bringing up that situation effect you?  Negatively. I have found complaining to be a negative form of meditation. I do not wish to hold on to or reap any negative thing. This is what led me to my decision to stop complaining.

However, similar to any other thing or habit that one may be attempting to change, it is not enough to just stop doing the unwanted behavior. You need to find a replacement. And what better way to overcome a complaining tongue than with one of praise. That’s right! Praise. Praising is the complete opposite of complaining. Look it up(I did).  

In order to praise I had to find things to be grateful for in the midst of situations that would usually cause me to complain. For example, my sons get on my nerves. I do not have a better way to say that because, that is just what it is. One kid is too smart, and the other is too busy. But because I love them and do not want to complain about their actions that I do not find calming, I chose to be grateful that I have them. I thank God for them. I thank God that the super smart one is educated and can keep me learning(because moms have to stay abreast). And I thank God that the busy one can keep me on my toes(because moms need to exercise). So now, instead of calling the smart one a smartass, I tell him that he is smart and when he puts his knowledge to good use he will go far. And instead of yelling at the busy one about doing the most, I tell him he will achieve many great things with all the energy he possesses.

By taking the praise approach, I have found myself to be in a better mood and am finding it easier to not complain. I have yet to perfect the choice to not complain, but have enough evidence to continue and live a life free of complaints and filled with gratitude.

 

 

 

Do What You Say You Will Do

 

Have you ever been let down, mislead, or deceived? It sucks. Right? The pain of discovering that a person or persons are not what they claimed to be or do not do what they say they will do can leave others scarred and broken. I know this first hand.

 

Growing up, and even now, I have crossed paths with many people who lack what I believe is a major character flaw. Integrity. According to dictionary.com, integrity is the adherence to moral and ethical principles. I believe that’s just a fancy way to say keeping your word and being honest. Because of my experience with people who lack this trait, I know what being a person of integrity means and I practice it at all times.

 

I practice this by not only being honest with others, but also honest with myself. I consider the cost of my words and proclamations. And, I do my best to follow through. In that order. When you are honest with yourself, you know what you can and cannot do for others. Knowing what you are capable of and your limits prevents you from writing checks you cannot cash (a.k.a. sending people off or misleading them) and helps you follow through. The follow through is usually the hard part. Situations can arise that may delay the completion of what you set out to do for another individual. But when you have integrity, you will find a way to finish what you start, even if it has to occur at a later time.

 

Ultimately, no one is perfect. I have let people down before and may have even caused some people pain, but it was never intentional. And I consider myself an amazing make up artist, but I will let friends and relatives tell you those stories. However, to avoid having to make anything up or causing anyone pain, it really just helps to do what you say you will do.

 

 

Purpose Driven

 

Do you know what you are here for? Do you know why you do what you do? Are you happy?  I ask these questions because I believe the answers to them can all be found in one word. Purpose. We all have a purpose, and if you do not know what your purpose is, then the discovery of that is your current purpose.

 

Life has many paths, occurrences, and it is filled with so many decisions to make. Knowing your purpose helps you make these choices. It will help you get through life not necessarily unscathed, but with the necessary inertia to prevent you from wandering or giving up.

 

As a former wanderer and giver upper, I can honestly say that knowing my purpose is helping me to stay in motion. Recently I was let down and hurt because of someone else’s choice. Before I knew of purposing my steps, I would have let the pain from that drag me into a pit. As it is hard for me to deal with mental and emotional pain and I often get locked in a negative thought pattern. Thankfully I now know that I have something to do beyond what others may ever be able to say or do to me. Knowing my purpose helps me see the bigger picture and to press forward towards the mark. Knowing my purpose helps me to smile through the pain. Knowing and pursuing my purpose is allowing me to blog to you in this moment and hopefully trigger something in you to get you to tap into yours.

 

So, to answer those questions noted earlier for you… You have a purpose. Your purpose is why you will do what you do. And attending to and pursuing that purpose is equivalent to your happiness.

 

Admitting to a Moment of Weakness

 Life is a hard row to hoe. I'd like to say that this is an understatement, but I've never hoed a row. Have you? Farming is not my current lot in life, but for whatever reason reproducing was. And as I have tried to give up on myself, unsuccessfully might I add, I am now faced with giving up on something that I have reproduced.


 Let me be more straight forward. I have a son, well sons, and I am a single mother. Now to say this is hard, is definitely an understatement. This task is egregious, annoying, very rarely rewarding, tedious, and if it's a test... I am barely pasting. Need I repeat, I want to give up.


 My sons are teenagers and in a moment of weakness, I caused extreme bodily harm to the elder of the two. Enough to get government "authorities" involved. Now in the process of taking back on my responsibility as his authority figure, I want to quit. This highly educated child is for the most part doing what a teenage child does. Rebelling. Though he is well behaved with every other adult individual that's not me (which is great but not) I am the one who has to guide him, is responsible for him, and has to deal with his misinformed, under developed, mentally restricted teen angst. True enough, I messed up with my choice to harm him physically while reprimanding him in one of his "moments", but I am at the point that I'm like he has to go. I am overly aware of a mother's responsibility to her child(ren), as I have been learning about it 15 and 13 years, while growing with them.  However, in this current circumstance, giving up doesn't just look like a silver lining. It also happens to be the most logical resolve for my sanity and peace, as well as the future of my son.


 Again I say, I want to give up. What I will do, beyond my wants, is pray and try. I'm praying that I love my child(both my children) with proper, correct and unconditional love. I'll be trying to accurately express to this child(things I have previously) that he has more learning to do and no one is perfect, but respect is a must regardless of what has yet to be learned. And because giving up is logical and an extremely last resort, I will not discount it. I will, however, continue to do the best I can in this given situation, knowing that the current circumstance is only temporary.


 I write this to inform and inspire. No one is perfect. We always have options. And even in a moment of weakness, we still have options. Keep trying until you cannot.