Jaded Files

...time and chance happens to us all...

Jaded Files

...time and chance happens to us all...

I Did Not Research this...I Lived It


Happy Hump Day!!! First time blogger here. I'll be mainly giving you info from my life experiences, which have been many. I'm a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I'm just like you, and at the same time I am nothing like you at all. The one thing that holds true for me and you is the biblical quote above "...time and chance happens to us all...". So read through my times and check out the chances I have taken. And btw, Hello. I am Ebonie Jade. For more info about me beyond the tons of babble thats to come, check out my website jade70walker.wixsite.com/eboniejade and support an amazing cause www.gofundme.com/2huz8e7g.


When your heart says Yay, but they say Nay


Going forward in my life I have decided to pursue my dreams. The desires of my heart that have always been there. I have attempted this before, but let reason and the reasoning of others slow down my process. I cannot and will not blame them because A. placing blame serves no purpose, B. I know they meant well, and C. at the end of the day the decision was mine alone to make.


My first attempt to pursue my dreams was a great first step, but a partial one. I felt alive and excited, and afraid in my pursuit. I didn't care about the fear until outer voices all said nay and gave me so many valid reasons to just stay on the path I was on. So I pressed paused on what was truly in my heart and walked the well known road of being an employee, and a student, and an everyday human being. Not that those things are bad, it just was not what I had an overwhelming desire for. I attained a degree, and was even blessed to get a paid internship in the field I believed I wanted to work in at the time.


After a little over a year of working in the field, continuing to pursue a higher level of education, as well as working another job, I began to see that the line of work I was gaining more knowledge for was not at all where I wanted to be. So I quit school, and left one job. The other job I held on to and just tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Self work got pushed to the side, and the only work I was doing was that of an employee. I fell into a depression and just kinda wandered and worked, and wandered, and worked.


The depression forced me to analyze myself, what I was doing, and what it was that I really wanted. As I wrote and thought, the more I saw what it was that I wanted. I wanted to follow my dreams. I had suppressed my true desires. But that's the great thing about having a dream. It will always show up or come back to you and I am so glad that it has.


I hope that you are pursuing your dreams no matter what they are, and regardless of who has anything to say about it. The desires of your heart are yours for a reason, but do not let reasoning or the reasoning of others take you away from them. Nay sayers will say nay, but I am hoping you follow what your heart has to say.


Complain or Nah?


I’m not one for the whole “New Year’s Resolution” bit. I believe that each day is a new beginning and a chance to do something different or better than the day before. In an effort to make my days better for contributing to a better year, I did resolve to do at least one thing different. I decided that I was done complaining.

Complaining never really did anything for me. I usually find myself being more upset after repeating the matter that pushed me to complain in the first place. I totally understand needing to vent about something that may be stressing you out, but how does continuously bringing up that situation effect you?  Negatively. I have found complaining to be a negative form of meditation. I do not wish to hold on to or reap any negative thing. This is what led me to my decision to stop complaining.

However, similar to any other thing or habit that one may be attempting to change, it is not enough to just stop doing the unwanted behavior. You need to find a replacement. And what better way to overcome a complaining tongue than with one of praise. That’s right! Praise. Praising is the complete opposite of complaining. Look it up(I did).  

In order to praise I had to find things to be grateful for in the midst of situations that would usually cause me to complain. For example, my sons get on my nerves. I do not have a better way to say that because, that is just what it is. One kid is too smart, and the other is too busy. But because I love them and do not want to complain about their actions that I do not find calming, I chose to be grateful that I have them. I thank God for them. I thank God that the super smart one is educated and can keep me learning(because moms have to stay abreast). And I thank God that the busy one can keep me on my toes(because moms need to exercise). So now, instead of calling the smart one a smartass, I tell him that he is smart and when he puts his knowledge to good use he will go far. And instead of yelling at the busy one about doing the most, I tell him he will achieve many great things with all the energy he possesses.

By taking the praise approach, I have found myself to be in a better mood and am finding it easier to not complain. I have yet to perfect the choice to not complain, but have enough evidence to continue and live a life free of complaints and filled with gratitude.




Do What You Say You Will Do


Have you ever been let down, mislead, or deceived? It sucks. Right? The pain of discovering that a person or persons are not what they claimed to be or do not do what they say they will do can leave others scarred and broken. I know this first hand.


Growing up, and even now, I have crossed paths with many people who lack what I believe is a major character flaw. Integrity. According to dictionary.com, integrity is the adherence to moral and ethical principles. I believe that’s just a fancy way to say keeping your word and being honest. Because of my experience with people who lack this trait, I know what being a person of integrity means and I practice it at all times.


I practice this by not only being honest with others, but also honest with myself. I consider the cost of my words and proclamations. And, I do my best to follow through. In that order. When you are honest with yourself, you know what you can and cannot do for others. Knowing what you are capable of and your limits prevents you from writing checks you cannot cash (a.k.a. sending people off or misleading them) and helps you follow through. The follow through is usually the hard part. Situations can arise that may delay the completion of what you set out to do for another individual. But when you have integrity, you will find a way to finish what you start, even if it has to occur at a later time.


Ultimately, no one is perfect. I have let people down before and may have even caused some people pain, but it was never intentional. And I consider myself an amazing make up artist, but I will let friends and relatives tell you those stories. However, to avoid having to make anything up or causing anyone pain, it really just helps to do what you say you will do.



Purpose Driven


Do you know what you are here for? Do you know why you do what you do? Are you happy?  I ask these questions because I believe the answers to them can all be found in one word. Purpose. We all have a purpose, and if you do not know what your purpose is, then the discovery of that is your current purpose.


Life has many paths, occurrences, and it is filled with so many decisions to make. Knowing your purpose helps you make these choices. It will help you get through life not necessarily unscathed, but with the necessary inertia to prevent you from wandering or giving up.


As a former wanderer and giver upper, I can honestly say that knowing my purpose is helping me to stay in motion. Recently I was let down and hurt because of someone else’s choice. Before I knew of purposing my steps, I would have let the pain from that drag me into a pit. As it is hard for me to deal with mental and emotional pain and I often get locked in a negative thought pattern. Thankfully I now know that I have something to do beyond what others may ever be able to say or do to me. Knowing my purpose helps me see the bigger picture and to press forward towards the mark. Knowing my purpose helps me to smile through the pain. Knowing and pursuing my purpose is allowing me to blog to you in this moment and hopefully trigger something in you to get you to tap into yours.


So, to answer those questions noted earlier for you… You have a purpose. Your purpose is why you will do what you do. And attending to and pursuing that purpose is equivalent to your happiness.


Admitting to a Moment of Weakness

 Life is a hard row to hoe. I'd like to say that this is an understatement, but I've never hoed a row. Have you? Farming is not my current lot in life, but for whatever reason reproducing was. And as I have tried to give up on myself, unsuccessfully might I add, I am now faced with giving up on something that I have reproduced.

 Let me be more straight forward. I have a son, well sons, and I am a single mother. Now to say this is hard, is definitely an understatement. This task is egregious, annoying, very rarely rewarding, tedious, and if it's a test... I am barely passing. Need I repeat, I want to give up.

 My sons are teenagers and in a moment of weakness, I caused extreme bodily harm to the elder of the two. Enough to get government "authorities" involved. Now in the process of taking back on my responsibility as his authority figure, I want to quit. This highly educated child is for the most part doing what a teenage child does. Rebelling. Though he is well behaved with every other adult individual that's not me (which is great but not) I am the one who has to guide him, is responsible for him, and has to deal with his misinformed, under developed, mentally restricted teen angst. True enough, I messed up with my choice to harm him physically while reprimanding him in one of his "moments", but I am at the point that I'm like he has to go. I am overly aware of a mother's responsibility to her child(ren), as I have been learning about it 15 and 13 years, while growing with them.  However, in this current circumstance, giving up doesn't just look like a silver lining. It also happens to be the most logical resolve for my sanity and peace, as well as the future of my son.

 Again I say, I want to give up. What I will do, beyond my wants, is pray and try. I'm praying that I love my child(both my children) with proper, correct and unconditional love. I'll be trying to accurately express to this child(things I have previously) that he has more learning to do and no one is perfect, but respect is a must regardless of what has yet to be learned. And because giving up is logical and an extremely last resort, I will not discount it. I will, however, continue to do the best I can in this given situation, knowing that the current circumstance is only temporary.

 I write this to inform and inspire. No one is perfect. We always have options. And even in a moment of weakness, we still have options. Keep trying until you cannot.

Pursue Peace


     Have you ever heard someone say "I just want some peace" or said it yourself? Peace is defined as freedom from disturbance; quiet tranquility in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. With such an amazing description of a word and the possibility of having it manifest in your life, has it ever occurred to you to pursue peace?


     Through the many hardships I faced this year; temporary separation from my child, not being able to earn extra income when needed due to an incident in the beginning of the year, having to step up and take care of a parent, learning true negative intentions of others toward me, being effected directly by other people's poor choices, having to set standards and separate myself from significant sources of income(Did I say many? This isn't even half!), I can honestly say that if I did not have peace, I would not be writing this now. I had the peace that passes all understanding that is mentioned in the bible(see Philippians 4:7). Through all these things that occurred throughout the year I was able to laugh, keep moving forward, and handle situations and people with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. I cried a lot, don't get me wrong, but I did not cry long. I just released the emotions while crying and praying, and was able to get right back to the peace that was still inside underneath the disappointments and the pain of the situations.


     Did you notice I said "...the peace that was still inside"? I am one of those people that believes the words in the bible, and if Jesus says "Peace I leave with you..."(John 14:27) then to me that means I have it because He left it with me. I may not feel it or see it, but it is there. I just have to remember that. What helped me remember is what I call pursuit. When I want to know something and understand it, I go after it by getting more information. And I go after it and over it again and again until it stays with me and I have it available to me when I need it. So basically I studied. I looked up peace and studied it in the midst of my circumstances. Then I prayed to access it while going through other circumstances. I believed I had it and will always have it, and knew that this peace inside was pemanent. While this year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second, and or moment was only temporary.


     So, do you just want some peace? Well, I believe you have it! Just begin to pursue it.  The index of the bible is a good place to start. And if you experience anything close to what I have been through in 2018, you will be grateful that you chose to pursue peace.



Peace Out✌








Encourage Yourself

     Who knew? Did you know writer's block was a real thing? Like for real for real? Did you know? Well... IT IS. Hence the lack of blog entries this year from yours truly. It is not that I could not write(hey my gratitude and emo journal are loaded), but my desire to inspire via this blog was almost completely cut off by a mental block called DISCOURAGEMENT. The"D" word. The one that I 'D'espise the most.

     For the past few months(well year almost), discouragement was in the voice of my inner critic, a.k.a. Debbie Downer. I have heard in my head every reason to not write. Questions like, "What makes you qualified? How can you encourage anyone when you yourself are discouraged?", those questions then led to comments like, "You're a phony! You're a fake! You're a hypocrite! You have not even achieved one tenth of the goals you have set for yourself!". Debbie was going in and Ebonie was going down. I.e. No words written from November of 2018 until this day in October 2019.

     I tried. Really I did. The Good Book( the Holy Bible that I cling to as an avid bible thumping Christian) tells us to call all negative thoughts captive and cast them down(2 Corinthians 10:5). It also says to focus on whatever is pure and beautiful(Philippians 4:8). Doing this made Debbie shut up for a while, but by the that time, I was already too exhausted to pick up a pen to encourage someone else. I also surrounded myself with encouragers. My encouragers include friends, family and inspiring people who contribute to my life in beneficial ways, whether it be face to face, podcast, or reading a book. I have even picked up drawing again(Dude my artistic skills definitly declined. See this blog entry photo. Haha).

     All these things would help get me out of my head(and away from Debbie), but I still had no words of encouragement written for anyone else. It finally occured to me that it was time for Ebonie to encourage herself(insert light bulb here). I decided to write a letter to myself(and Debbie in a way).

     I cannot take full credit for the idea of writing a letter to myself. I have often heard people(therapist and life coach type gurus) say, "Write a letter to your 5 year old self", or 8 year old version, or whatever past age that you needed someone or something and it/they were not there. I thought to myself like "I need to write a letter to my 36 year old self for now". At this point the letter began to write itself in my head and then BOOM I now have written words to encourage you.

     Here is sneak peek of part of that letter...

..."Hey Ebonie Jade. My peculiar, amazing queen with a very bright future. I know you are not where you want to be, but PRAISE GOD you are not were you used to be. I am so happy that you have the desire to pursue your life goals. That desire matters. Not everyone has it. Some people are content to never grow and coast through life or worse yet, they have given up. That may be okay for them but you made a choice to grow and do more, and to NEVER GIVE UP AGAIN. Not to mention that you have, by the grace of God, handled every situation to the best of your ability with a will to do better should you be faced with it again..."

     ...I will give you more of the letter to myself upon request, but if you like anything I said in that letter so far or anything sparked something in you, I encourage you to write a letter to yourself. You can have all the right people pouring into you, all the tools to fight the good fight of faith, but if you cannot encourage yourself to belive you can do better, to use the tools, to continue trusting God and doing good, NO ONE CAN. So please, to refrain from wasting time and strength fighting with your Debbie, Get Up(or sit down and write a letter to yourself), go look in the mirror, and ENCOURAGE YOURSELF!

     P.S. Yes this is my letter to you about a letter to me... I'd like to add that one of the people who encouraged me to write is also someone I try to continously encourage. She is an amazing artist. Don't believe me? Do you see the cartoon version of me in my updated background. She did that. If you have an Instagram and are a lover of art, or just happen to find this background as amazing as I do, follow Vero @vaid_art. Please and Thank you!